<>    Fem/Dom?  Maybe.
   Alone? Definitely Not.
by Ms. Margaret Davis
SpankingVideos
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Fem/Dom? Maybe.

As I move about the Spanking community, which is different than the S&M, Bondage and other D&S crowds, I find it is much bigger than anyone can imagine.  I try very hard not to make any judgments on anyone else's choices.  That is not a standard I invented but one a wise man preached about some 2000 years ago.  However, when I hear the term "Fem/Dom" I have a much different picture of what I am than what I see at clubs and parties.

I am dominant and I am very feminine, but I look and feel very foolish in fetish wear.  I do better to dress the way my mother taught a lady to dress.  I usually don a business suit or dress.  Most likely I will not have on anything particularly sexy, at least by the usual scene standards.

My voice is moderate and my manner conservative.  I do not put on a performance but prefer to get down to business in a private corner of the room.  Do I ever spank in public? Yes, but it is not my preference.  To me a spanking is a private ceremony and is best done on a more personal basis.   I would best describe what I do as a ritual or experience no different than one with your own mother.  Only a good, fair and decent parent would administer the style of experience I enjoy.

You're not alone.

Be assured you are not alone, nor are you sick, I don't care what your therapist says.   I get too many calls from all over the globe for that to be true.  The picture in your head isn't going away so have fun with it.  I will tell you that spankers are different than most scene players.  I call it "the gene",  you either have it or you don't.  Many spankers are embarrassed about their calling and try to deny it.  Why?   It is a bit embarrassing but that is the mystery of the calling.  It seems like such a silly thing for a grown adult to want but in this world where life is obnoxiously "grown up" it is comforting to have this child-like ceremony of unconditional love, like that of a caring parent, to experience to its fullest.

There are, as best as I can determine, five types of spanking:  Playful, Punishment, Maintenance, Erotic, and Sensuous, any one of which has to be consentual or it becomes abuse.  One of these types may best describe what runs through your head.  If you are in a relationship where your partner "just doesn't get it" read on as more of my editorials appear on another page at this site.  Having a partner that does not understand is a very common predicament.  I can give suggestions as to how to solve the problem but in the end it is up to your partner and how much they are willing to meet your needs.  If they don't have the gene they cannot imagine how much this ritual consumes you.  What is most frustrating is that it can be nearly impossibe to find a partner for such a simple act (or game).  It is mind boggling to think that your calling for adult spanking is far less intrusive or medically contaminated than intercourse or many other rituals of love that partners experience.   It is far less work than dancing and for some people less embarrassing.

I compare doing a session, or scene, to a dance.  When it is time to take the floor and dance each of you assumes a certain posture, attitude and type of movement consistent with the mood.  As the music ends you return to your "normal" face and conversation.  So too when one does a scene, it is time for a certain "face".  It is time for one confidently to assert authority and the other to follow.  When the ceremony, or dance, is completed you return to the normal world enriched at having shared another corner of your partner's personality.  Just like sex, it takes time, lots of time and a tremendous amount of constructive communication, to get good at this.  That is why I have stepped out.

I came forward because I went through years of vanilla choices and I could never return to a life where acting upon your fantasies was not a normal part of living every day.  It is so much fun and you are only limited by your resistance to change.  It is the greatest therapy I've ever witnessed and it brings tremendous joy to the one who needs to play.  Dig inside and find your other persona.  Give "it" a new name, one different than your own, and create away.  Why read the romance novel when you can be it?  Why watch the game when you can play?  Why pass up a chance to please your partner?
 
 

Copyright 1996-2005
Ms.Margaret Davis