Suggestions if you're new to the community:

Privacy and Personal Safety:  Go slow and get to know a group one person at a time.  You never know whose listening or what their real intent is.  Down the road if you have an a 'falling out' with someone you don't want them to have any private information which they could use against you.

Use a scene name.  It could be your middle name or any name out there you would like to be called.  Sometimes a scene name indicates whether you are top or bottom.  In SCONY we only use the titles 'Mr.', 'Ms.', 'Mrs.', 'Miss'.

Once you have a scene name get a hotmail or yahoo email account and keep all your scene matters separate from personal accounts on you computer.

Have a mailing address.  If you can't use a home address get a PO Box or Mailbox number nearby.  If you don't have an address it's difficult for SCONY or other clubs to mail you tickets, magazines, mailed information or items you ordered through the internet.

Keep your private matters to yourself: your address, your real name, your job, where you work or anything about your family.
 

Meeting someone for the first time:
1.  If they seem crazy they probably are, think twice.
2.  Have and use safe words/signal.  In SCONY the word 'yellow' means slow down, 'RED' means stop.  Putting your hand on a tops angel means you hitting too hard and to lighten up.  Other people have different words.  Don't be too shy to use them.  Either tops or bottoms may want to call a halt to the action.
2.  Always use safe words.  Even when the words(or signals) or negotiated it's wise for a top to be aware that a new bottom often hesitates to use them.  They may be too anxious, shocked or crazy to communicate clearly.  Until you're sure they will use safe words & signals, read body language and pay attention.
3. If it's your first meeting take it slow.  You can always do more next time, you can never go back and do less
4.  Try to get to know a player in public first.  Go to a party or one of the clubs and meet them there.  Several times if you must but go slow.
5. In getting to know a bottom's needs have them write out what they want and enjoy in an email, letter or story. Also, make sure in any agreement , it's clear the action will stop when either player uses safe words or safe signals.  Save all this information.

Traveling to his part of the country for a meeting:
1.  If a male player wants to meet you then have him come to your territory first.  Once you get on the plane and you're far from all you resources you are completely vulnerable to what may happen.
2.  If you're a bottom and meeting a new top have a 'safe person'.  A safe person is someone you trust with your knowing you are going for a play session.  It should be a friend from the scene. You give the safe person his name, address and phone number.  You tell the safe person that you will be calling them at regular intervals and when you are safely home.
3.  Be careful of the ego resume, "I've been doing this for 10 years, I know what I'm doing".  Maybe they do but they obviously are ignoring that your personal needs may not be the same as everyone else's.